I’m lucky, I can write out strings of sentences to express my feelings.
If this pandemic, riots, protests and social unrest have taught me anything, it is that self-care is hard.
I think as a society we seem to just deaden feelings. Kill the pain.
As the Polish proverb, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” Shun the universe, it is easy to not feel.
I suspect many have similar feelings living through this bizarre time.
I’m lucky. There is this one person on planet earth… she’s had me mapped out from day one.
She’s the person I talk with that understands me.
She lived my childhood; she knows my reactions. If your mother was a cold fish and highly critical, like ours, well, those kindness skills don’t magically appear. If your father was pathological, etc… you might have trust issues.
Growing up, I think I learned to have an excellent sense of humor from the emotional isolation. I enjoyed making my sister laugh. If she smiled, I smiled.
I rarely talk or write about her. She’s my only family.
So I call her.
She talks me off the ledge. And then, she will tell me she loves me. I get this virtual hug. And all my built up anxiety washes away. She gives me hope.
The photo I shared comes from when I was about 23. I was struggling inside. I did not have to say anything to her, she just understood me and looked after me.
I would not be alive today without her care and love.
She’s kind. She’s smart. Her brain’s microprocessor zips data and information at a quantum speed.
I remember she was about 6 years of age; I was 5 years into my life – we had packed our bags. We would escape from the insane asylum.
We hid in a closet between shoe boxes and hanging clothes as the daily family storm raged outside the bedroom door. Unfortunately, we did not have a plan or resources before they discovered us.
She’s the one person on the planet who was trapped with me on the same emotional desert island; we existed on it for decades. So, we have a tight bond, one to the other.
If everyone had a sister like mine, there would be no wars, violence or bloodshed.
I wish everyone had a sister like mine.
My sister has grace, she has dignity.
I love my sister.